hearing goes out in one ear for a few seconds

Today is the first day of school, and right now we’re just waiting around for the teacher to hurry up and finish the seating chart. But then again, I guess that would mean kids like Chirag Gupta would still be in the first grade. If it was up to me, grade levels would be based on height, not age. And then they wonder why bullying is such a big problem in middle school. You got kids like me who haven’t hit their growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.

MORONS Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. GREGORY? TELL US ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD? WERE YOU ALWAYS SO SMART AND HANDSOME? Like I said, I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons. The only reason I agreed to do this at all is because I figure later on when I’m rich and famous, I’ll have better things to do than answer people’s stupid questions all day long. So just don’t expect me to be all “Dear Diary” this and “Dear Diary” that. But if she thinks I’m going to write down my “feelings” in here or whatever, she’s crazy.

The other thing I want to clear up right away is that this was mom’s idea, not mine.

All I need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around and get the wrong idea. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I specifically told her to get one that didn’t say “diary” on it. TO MOM, DAD, RE, SCOTT, AND PATRICK September Tuesday First of all, let me get something straight: This is a Journal, not a diary.

Hearing goes out in one ear for a few seconds